I am overcome with tiredness, and yet my eyes refuse to embrace sleep. Therefore, I decided I will type the thoughts flooding my mind.
I am getting married to the most precious gift of God I've ever tangibly held in my hands: Spencer Towle. As most people in my life know (especially if you've read my blog, ha) - these past couple of years have been a journey of me leaving relationships aside to allow God to strip me bare of strange mindsets I'd created, and proceed to build strong foundations founded in the truth and goodness of God. Spencer came into my life at the beginning of my quest to cast everything aside (apart from Christ), and I held the hopes of a future with him loosely in order to remain dedicated to the task at hand. However, while I "soul searched" and God repaired and restored my depths, Spencer sought God and remained faithful in his resolve I was to be his wife. I constantly wavered in my ability to correctly choose/hear God concerning Spencer, yet I always came back to the thought of knowing there was no one better than him - no man would ever match up to his worth. It's quite a long story as to how we finally ended up dating, but Spencer's incredible patience and perseverance proved to be of worth once we confidently embarked upon the road towards marriage.
Before dating, God spoke clearly to me concerning the 3 most important men in my life: My father, Spencer, and John Lalgee (church leader). God reminded me these men were made in HIS image,and not the other way around. Of course, this seems an elementary idea, but I needed reminded of their significance being valuable, but as a picture of God's character, not a confinement of who He is. I was unaware of the grand importance and revelation to later come with this reminder from God prior to my relationship with Spencer.
Spencer, a pure and righteous man, waited for me - even when he was unsure (as I was unsure) if I wanted to be with him. He chose me, not because of my feelings for him or what he received from me, but because he was dedicated to loving me knowing a rightness in it before God, regardless of my emotion towards him. He loved me before he ever received anything in return. What a picture of Jesus Christ to me! God who called me out and chose me, even when my back was turned to Him. Jesus died for a world who did not yet know Him; His love was sufficient without receiving anything in return, and worth death on the cross that He might one day know us.
Spencer continues to love me with a strong and unconditional love in our relationship. I am constantly overwhelmed at his desire to care for me, pray for me, and help me in every way! When I wrong him, his love remains and he still believes the best in me. This does not mean correction doesn't come, or he refrains from saying what needs to be said - but Spencer is never swayed in his decision to love me. Even after I wrongly chose harsh words or a bad attitude, he tells me I am the most gentle and soft woman he's known. Now, Spencer is an incredibly intelligent man, and its not that he's foolishly blinded by love and unable to see/hear/comprehend my flaws - it's that he's chosen to see me as Christ has proclaimed me to be. I am often moved to tears at his faithfulness to seeing godliness in me, because its what's been spoken over my life a child of God, even if its not evident in the moment. And when I remember what God spoke to me, of Spencer being a mere picture of God's love, I am in awe of the truth of God's unconditional love and dedication to me, His church, and the world.
What a kind, kind God - who has continuously reminded me of His GREAT love, and has now given me a picture of His goodness to enjoy daily! I am in no way deserving of such a godly man (and not to mention a relationship which so naturally clicks and brings SUCH joy and fruit!). I didn't earn this relationship, just as I did not earn my salvation. Both are simply my heavenly Father wishing to lavish His good gifts in my life because of His sweet, strong and faithful love.
Thank You, thank You, thank You God for the most amazing man I've ever known. I've never had a relationship push me so powerfully into the arms of God - I could not be more grateful.
Shew, maybe I can sleep now...
