Smell the Roses

I decided to write down my favorite insignificant details of my days. Here's my compilation of the week.

Sunday:
While working the closing shift for Caribou, a girl wearing a shirt straight out of the Spice Girl's Movie (white, belled out sleeves, and a perfect triangle view of her stomach revealed) came in with a pie. She sat at a table with another guy for a while, joking and laughing as many coffee-date couples do. At the end of the night she kindly offered me a piece of her home-made apple and cranberry pie. I accepted. I felt dangerous and alive, because of course-this pie could be made of apples straight off of the Wicked Step-Mother's Farm, and I just don't know what prince is out there to save me from my comatose sleep. However, rest assured folks...I ate some pie, and I survived. Taking baked goods from a stranger: check.

Monday:
a.) It's raining outside, and the dreariness from outdoors has carried itself into my class. However, when I look over at the young man answering the Professor's question in my Pol Sci class, he's wearing sunglasses. It's raining. It's dark. He's wearing sunglasses. Longish hair, a big fleece jacket, 90s jeans, and terrible 80s sunglasses. Good ol' Wisconsin.
b.) Taking place again in Caribou, some regulars of ours: Terry and Terry come in. A couple in their mid 50s, 2 Northern Lite Caramel Lattes. Terry (the guy one) shows us pictures of him on a cruise, paying $20 to drink a shot of his favorite liquor (he chose Crown of course) with, GET THIS, an amputated toe in the shot glass. If you let the toe touch your lips, you get a certificate. Who wouldn't complete this task for your own piece of paper to hang on the wall? I mean, really...

Tuesday:
a. I need to make a sitcom of the special helpers I come to know through my girlie expeditions to the gas station. I often put air in my tires, aaaand...let's face it, I need my dad because I seem to fall short in these handy-man, do-it-yourself areas. And women who are all-powerful and have conquered such duties, don't judge me. I could probably put together an award winning Punky Brewster outfit in a matter of seconds. No one will get that reference, *sigh*. Anyway, on this special Tuesday, a man who wore a sleeve of tattoos on both arms and a few more as a scarf for his neck approached me. I saw different languages, women's faces and words I'm not sure I wanted to understand. He graciously took the air pump out of my hands and did his thing with his special air-measuring tool. It was at this moment, I decided I should start taking pictures of the different men who offer help in these situations, because their range from Mr. Roger's to drug dealers on the corner is quite amusing....
b. Fall arrived on this day. Only in one tree; One red tree in a seemingly endless row of towering and dancing green trees. All the leaves twirled on their way to ground, and the one crimson dancer seemed to laugh as if it knew a secret of what was to come, a secret the other trees had to yet to hear.

Wednesday:
I made eye contact with a stranger at school. It made me realise what great lengths I go to avoid eye contact with people I don't want seeing into these two green windows of mine. Somehow, there is something so massively different than looking at someone, and looking into the eyes of someone.

Thursday:
a. I saw sunglasses kid in the hall. He's still wearing his sunglasses. It's still not sunny.

b. My philosophy professor went on the rant of a lifetime. How he jumped onto his soapbox, I am unsure... We were just explaining a rather small assignment of a 1-page paper in response to a philosophical theory. I wrote down a couple of my favorite quotes.:
"Most of you are not going to graduate."
"If you marry someone, you either go up or down. You marry up, or you marry down."
"You aren't going to be a classical pianist unless you were playing from the age of five. Be realistic, there's a Chinese boy who has been forced to play since he was five."

Friday:
a. I saw a large cat on the front porch. He looked like Socrates, if Socrates was a cat. He peered at me with judging eyes, but I bet he was just pondering the mysteries of the world and of himself, so I didn't take it personally.
b. Sunglasses kid was in class today. No sunglasses.

Saturday:
I drank a "Susie" for the first time. 2 Shots Espresso, a splash of Half&Half, and white chocolate. God bless coffee shops.



Over and out.

The Fairy Tales Alive in My Mind

Today, three geese were squawking as I walked into Parkside's large brick building. It was as if the birds had something vitally important to share; Soon after, they flapped their wings and flew so closely by, that I felt I could grab a hold of one wing to be wisped away.



I couldn't help but continue wondering what message they wanted to bring. Was a storm coming? Is there a warning to be given, or a message to be delivered? And where were they flying to once they noticed no one wanted to listen to their words? There were 4 or 5 geese standing atop another building with feet dug into their ground, but these 3 geese, perplexed with their reports, did not remain in the cold wind but flew away from the deaf listeners.



I just watched, confused. Mind racing.



I longed for heaven in this moment. And I don't know that I can even cleverly sum up this feeling with my small words... As the geese flew by, I thought of reaching up to ask for a ride into the grey and damp sky, but I knew they wouldn't understand such a favor. Never before have I been frustrated by the language barrier between man and animal, but today..I wanted to understand, and be understood. I wanted creation to cry out in a way that I could comprehend their exclamations. Life is more than what's standing tangible before me, this I know. There are pictures beyond what my natural eye can see, and words spoken in small whispers that I long to tune my ears to hear!

I want to hear the wind howl, and understand the tone of its words! I want to see heavenly reflections in tear-shaped raindrops falling from the skies. I want to hear prophetic notions from birds of the sky!

I wish to expound upon my strange thinking, but I feel it only digs my hole deeper into insanity. I will leave it alone, take as you will :).

Over and out.

Just....words.

It's not a poem, or a put-together thought or a proper blog... Just words I suppose.

I'm not sure who I'm becoming, but I know its far from who I've been
The colors I see have brightened, and my thoughts have come to rest in a dream-like state
I have nothing but love and ideas to give
And words bring more comfort to me than a warm touch

Unknown hours no longer produce fear
In fact, I laugh at the days to come
A morning coffee overrides a night's sleep
And innocence seems more attainable though I am stained

I feel free to fly away
I feel rooted deep within the ground
A plucked string plays melodies that wisp me away from my standing
And a kite captures the wind in the way similar to how I float upon Your promises.

I am able to sail
I am able to soar
I am not afraid,
I am not afraid.


Over and out :).

What do you see?

Here's the thing. I should be doing 1 million things besides 'this' right now. I was meant to drive to V&C, but there were some car issues. Reading and good ol' school work awaits me, laundry is in the utility room needing it's cleaning process to somehow come to an end, my room is a hot mess and I could always get online to do some insurance work. Instead, I'm taking a moment to sit and ponder with my computer and singing friend (Bon Iver, of course).

Last Monday as I was making my bed (which I'll sadly admit, has become a rare chore I complete lately), I found a little strip of paper resembling a fortune from a fortune cookie. I said a quick prayer much to the effect of "Lord, please let this be prophetic!" before laying eyes on this mysterious message. It's contents I knew would be a complete surprise to me because I'm not a Chinese food type girl, and I really have no clue how it found its way into my sheets. Reaching, hoping and praying - I read the words, "You will find a new challenge this week". Oh? A new challenge? Great, just what I wanted. Well, as they say, "Careful what you pray for"...I mean, okay - what they really say is "careful what you wish for", but I needed to make this phrase applicable for my story, so work with me here.

Last Monday seems so far away, for what I've seen and learned since then I can barely begin to type into this small box. I learned in my philosophy class (greatest class ever, by the way) that the way we perceive ourselves to look physically, is actually a bit distorted in comparison to our true outward appearance. We don't see what others see, we see a mirror image of ourselves because that's all that's available to us. I got to thinking, what if I find myself better looking than I am? Or what if the flaws I secretly wish away are less noticeable to others? How will I ever know how other's see me next to how I see myself? Who correctly sees me for who I am? Is my perception of my appearance right, or others'? Who is the judge of this? Through a series of events, tears and sit-ins in the corner of Starbucks - God has spoken to me of who I am in a way that no mirror, picture, nor person can hold any opinion to.

You see, often our realisation of short-comings begin to taint our idea of ourselves. I've made mistakes and I failed. I've fallen flat on my face and tried to come to grips with the scars I figured would not fade. In where I thought I was having wisdom in lessening what I thought of myself, God said I was hiding what He made and what is beautiful in His sight. A mistake or a scar does not become the image of who we are. We are not defined by our failures or losses, and we aren't even defined by our victories or the times we have overcome - we are defined by the words of God, and what He's done on the cross. If He says He's nailed my sins to the cross, and taken away my debt - I am free, and I am sinless. There is not a record of where I've fallen short, and there should be one in my mind. I don't have old habits to fear or hide from. I don't have to walk in worry of falling into the sin I once knew, because it's gone. It's erased and its no more - its not a trap to fall into once again, because my feet are on firm ground. Something happened in the past few days where I cried out to God, "Where is my safety net? You've taken it away and I feel I have no net to catch me if I fall..." He quickly responded to me and said, "Your obedience to Me is your safety net". It's as simple as that. I can run and skip and dance, and if I'm choosing obedience I still may fall -but I fall safely into Him. Maybe my writings here to too vague to hit home with anyone else, but this has radically changed me. I was gripped and paralyzed by such a need to avoid mistakes I felt so prone to, but if I continue in obedience, I find rest and peace with Him. I do not have a disposition towards anything but success and God's glory when I am given to His purposes. God is FOR me and has defined me by His perfect and loving nature.

I am who He says I am, I am not what my past holds record of.

Over and out.

If all the raindrops were candy drops and gum drops....

I don't have anything profound or revelatory to share, and I won't go into some metaphor to secretly disguise my thoughts towards certain situations. I just wanted to recap my life for a minute, for no one's benefit but my own. I need to reflect and process and thank God.

Pro's of life:
I am in school for something I LOVE.
I am living with a beautiful and Godly family.
I have an awesome job at the coffee shop I frequented all of last year.
My church family and leaders are the abundant blessing of God in my life.
My professors (so far) seem to be incredible, and God in a very strategic and evident way shaped my next semester.
It's becoming Fall, my most awaited time of the year is here!

Sadness's of life:
I am poor. Ooooooh, how I am poor (in American standards, not the world's).
I am now in debt, which is lame.
I have no family by me. They are all 1000 miles away.
I desperately miss my family, I miss my home.
I miss my friends.
In a fury to bring tears to my eyes, my car died. And it costs lots of money to rebirth this clunky junky.


The other day I was praying and recognizing what a life lived with God is. These past Fall days I have whimpered and moaned at the testing of anxiety and patience in my life. It is difficult when one feels alone and without all needed resources to successfully make it through the day. It's hard; It feels like I'm trudging slowly through swamps and black mud that stains my shoes and attire. Yet somehow, through my tears, my heart greatly rejoices in what my hours are filled by! In the morning, I learn! I learn and I soak up knowledge of subjects and topics so dear to my heart. In the afternoon, I make and drink coffee. The times passes with giggles and giving people their espresso for the day. I then come home to a family who may not be my own, but cares deeply for my well-being and growth. Somehow God has changed the capacity of my emotions and the depths of my heart to hold both trials and tears, as well as the utter joy and enthusiam towards my current paths! This is life.

Childish as this may appear, here's how I'm processing my current situations:
If I could paint a picture of my life right now, I'd paint a dark and dreary storm. Grey skies would be unleashing treacherous winds and raindrops large enough to flood the ground my feet stood on. Trees would be knocked down, and maybe even some birds and cows being tossed into the night air (you know, Twister style...). I'd be standing in the middle of this painting with the evidence of the storm in my wet clothes and long windblown frizzy hair. Yet, my purple rain boots will dress my feet and protect them from the cold. A large Mary Poppins style umbrella will hang magically above my head to keep dry atleast the tops of my shoulders. ...And I'll hold an icecream cone tasting a bit of sweetness in the middle of this storm. I don't need an icecream shoppe to enjoy my treat, nor do I need to be weeping to follow suite with the rain.

I think this storm will continue to pour until it floods, and I'm sure an ark will become my new home among the waters. This is the season of life I'm in-learning to be content in all circumstances. Learning to embrace bits sunshine (or icecream) in the dreariest of days. However, one day-the dove will bring an olive branch and I'll find green life and land again. Thank You God for the life this rain will one day bring, thank You for the icecream and umbrella, and thank You for Your different seasons.

Okay, I went back into a metaphor which I said I wouldn't. Sorry 'bout that.

Over and out.