Ashes

What's a girl to do when insomnia strikes, yet again? Sit. And think. I read poetry aloud for a bit, and while that more-likely-than-not sounds pretty cheesy, it was wonderfully entertaining. However, now I am trying to rest with the lights out to cause my eyes to grow tired, so I had to close my book. The florescent glow from the laptop screen fights against that anti-light action, huh?



I don't know that I have much to say, at least not that I can post online. I often wish there were no restraints in my expressing thoughts and emotion from the day, but any ounce of wisdom knows different. My poor friends. I tell ya, I've got the best ones - I have daily outburst of pure bliss and outraging anger all meshed together. My spectrum of emotion amazes me. I can end up grounded and with a godly attitude, but those first few moments (okay, at times hours) are outrageous. Honestly, I need to get better at that. There's something in my nature (maybe all of human nature) that feels the necessity of pouring out the heart, even when its harmful. It's like when people make themselves vomit to feel better when they have a woosy stomach. We make ourselves word-vomit in efforts to calm roaring emotions, but instead of giving peace to the storm we form a habit of purging forth what should of remained inside. Deep breaths and a bit of ginger ale could solve the problem, really.

The things that get me "up in arms" should be no surprise. Before the summer began, God spoke to me clearly about throwing everything into the fire. It would be a time of testing, to see what would burn and what would remain. Yet while I understood the season of tossing aside what I held onto, I didn't prepare myself for watching the fire ravish what I once held dear. I almost want to run into the flames to rescue what's not already turned to ashes, but I know I can't. I must sit, silently; This trial must run its course. There's nothing I can do, but count it as loss for the sake of knowing Him.


....But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Jesus Christ. All of us who are mature should take such a view of things. Philippians 3


Over and out.