When I was a girl I dreamed of becoming a marine biologist, and at the seasoned age of fifty I would transition into a state Senator. I've always imagined and planned and dreamed. I knew just how I could accomplish such tasks, and I worked towards it. I wanted a boat, so I saved my pennies. I wanted to swim the dolphins, so I scooted off to Wilmington one summer to learn about jellyfish and the fascinating world of seaweed. Dream, and make plans; Create a blueprint and walk along the well-lit path.
Tonight I was pondering... Why were my dreams, even as a young child, so attainable? Now, owning a boat at age 5, and making it into office as a Senator is perhaps a bit below what many view as realistic. However, it is in the realm of the possible. Why didn't I talk about being a princess? Why didn't I want to ride a unicorn to school in the morning? Why were my Barbies making friends at "Scoops Icecream" instead of swimming through magical lands and being trapped in hidden dungeons. Then there's also this question: why am I so suddenly so caught up in what I know is not real. I, in all honesty, have thought about the beauty of a unicorn. I've thought about the dresses I'd wear if I rode one and the different journeys I'd take. I dream of a mermaid's life and beauty. I aspire to her long beautiful hair, and her without-a-care days.
The reasoning of my absurd thoughts:
I want to dream big enough that plans cannot even be made. I've planned, and re-planned for the entirety of my life. I've had plan "A", plan "B", plan "C", and plan "SUCK-nothing's working out and I'm desperate for any path". From now on my dreams will be so starry-nighted, I'll only know a mere direction in which I'll take a step. The penciled-in plans are erased and I'm going to run with the cards I've been dealt. ...Even if that means running blindly. I'll lose attachments to anything and everything. I hold so much close to my heart, and whatever rests in your heart roots itself in your life. I don't want to have roots, I want to be free. Empty handed, and a heart void of anything but solid truth. I'm setting my eye on eternity, princesses, Snickerdoodle (my labradoodle dog - I'll explain another day), and unicorns.
God, point me in a direction and let me go. Castles in the sky, and a chariot to take me to there. I realise I sound a bit Alice in Wonderland-ish, but I need it. I need dreams that require unwavering faith to become reality. I need hope for something more than the "American Dream". I want to taste fairy tales and feel joyous imperfection.
"I've got my life in a suitcase, and I'm ready to run, run, run away. Cause every day it feels like its only a game..."
Over and out.
AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH!!! God is the God of the impossible. I feel like this is totally how I have been feeling lately. I just didn't know how to process it. This is amazing and beautiful. I am excited to see what he is going to do "Jesus take the wheel" Hahaha. I LOVE THIS!
ReplyDeleteAmanda gave me this the other day.
ReplyDelete1 Samuel 10:7 "Do what your hand finds to do, for God is with you."
WOW! This is good and this is exactly what I've been doing lately. Its ok to let your heart dream of another world full of unicorns, princesses, castles and chariots. You can get there you just have to ask Jesus to take you there.
ReplyDeleteAlot of times I'll ask Jesus where He wants to go today or He will tell me to go here or there and I get up and go no hesitation and with complete sponaiety. Just go with whatever is in your heart that day and He will reveal Himself in ways you never thought possible before!!! Dream, and DREAM BIG because God can make every single one of your dreams come true.
hah! I just read this whole thing out loud in a russian accent. It was epic.
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