All week I've been saying to myself and whining to God, "I wish I could be like the guy from Bon Iver..." Ya see, after Justin Vernon (Bon Iver guy) broke up with his band and went through a break up with his girlfriend (all happened in NC might I add), he moved into the wilderness of Wisconsin. Vernon experienced a very Walden-esque time period while living alone in a cabin for 3 months where he "soul-searched", and then walked back into society with an amazing new album summing up his thoughts and conclusions.
I want three months alone. I want three months without any distractions or influences or voices or busyness. I want three months-me, God and wilderness. I want it, but I can't have it.
I've been busy, I won't go in to all details...but I've been very busy. Tonight, I come home from teaching and running diaper errands and sat down at my lap top to sign on to my office computer for insurance work (via an online program). Sadly, I found my office computer was frozen and there was nothing I could do to solve the problem. I was upset because I have lots of work to do, and turned down a couple of friends to hang out because of this work. I look around my room..it's messy with Christmas decorations I have yet to organize, clean clothes I have yet to hang up, and my Bible sitting upon my desk.
I grab my Bible and journal and plop on my bed. I had time to look at what's going on in Haiti and pray this nation is shown the love and mercy of God in a way that brings their eyes to Him! I had time to pray for my sister and her family. I had time to hear from God and allow Him to quiet me with His love. I wasn't enjoying 3 months of solitude, but I was undeniably enjoying rest with God in the midst of a hectic season.
Earlier today Meyer told me about some verses God speaks to her through often. They really struck a chord in my heart, so after I reviewed what God's been speaking to me about (Ecc 3:6/2 Tim 2:4) I flipped to Proverbs.
Proverbs 4:25-27
Let your eyes look directly ahead and let your gaze be fixed straight in front of you. Watch the path of your feet and all your ways will be established. Do not turn to the right nor to left; turn your foot from evil.
There is so much going on in and around me these days, but God has a path chosen for me and I must look ahead-look STRAIGHT at Him! My next 3 months most likely are not going to slow down and/or go towards a path void of people, jobs, babies or distractions. However, God STILL wants to speak to me, He still has loads to reveal of Himself and His people and His church! I can experience silence and peace when I simply look straight ahead on my one path. It's like blinders on a horse's face; there may be much around me, but God's chosen specific things for me to fix my gaze on which alleviates all that is zooming by. My eyes must look directly ahead, and when they do-I will get the results I was wishing for from the Wisconsin wilderness. Life only gets crazier I'm seeing first-hand; we must learn now to follow this proverb to find rest in exactly what God's laid before us. Ah, beautiful wisdom of His Word.
(And don't worry, in case you were wondering-I took care of my clothes and old Christmas decorations ;-)
Over and out.
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