I give up.

You might recall me mentioning at the beginning of this year a verse God had spoken to me explaining what this phase of life would consist of. However, while most wouldn't be able to recite my every blog post, I'll refresh your memory:

Ecc 3:6
A time to search and a time to give up as lost; A time to keep and a time to throw away.

While I rejoiced and wept at God confirming what I was understanding to be true in my life and heart, I was wee confused as to how the "time to give up as lost" would take place. You see, I often get on a soap-box of how Christians shouldn't just give up on lofty and difficult concepts of God, ie: Predestination vs. Freewill, Eschatology, Dating, exc. I firmly, firmly believe when God comes back for His perfected Bride we'll of sought Him so earnestly that He reveals many of His secret wisdoms to us as He promised! All this to say, the concept of "giving up as lost" I found to be a bit odd, until tonight.

There are many answers I'm wanting from God and many mindsets I'm wishing to reflect His glory and perfection! However, God has been going into the depths of my thoughts and heart where the answers no longer lay in the back of my mind. In the past few days infact, He's dealt strictly with mindsets I know to be wrong, but have come to my wit's end in attempts to even know what is the correct mindset or how to reach it. In my frustration, the other night I felt God wanted me to humble myself and explain one of my I-Know-To-Be-Wrong-Mindsets to a certain woman with much wisdom and knowledge. The same sort of situation came up again tonight. I became very upset with another wrong mindset of mine and my lack of knowledge to fix it (because I feel I normally know in the back of mind what I'm supposed to think and can get myself there eventually through God's grace). God laid another insightful woman on my heart and told me to humble myself again and ask her.

Suddenly it clicked in my head, here I am: Giving up as lost. Before God chose to take through me down this oh-so-interesting path of these past couple of months, He instilled in me that grand importance of humility in my life. I often understand why, and tonight I again see how humility MUST be evident in order for my growth (which hopefully can influence the Body!). I've had to be humble to come before these women. Honestly, at first it was a big gulp of swallowing my pride because I want to naturally appear as if I have it together, but I don't. I just don't-I've got to give up as lost sometimes, and God's placed amazing people in my life to help me when I come to this place! God is so beautiful to me! He speaks to us His plans before He outworks them, and while we can struggle in figuring out what exactly He means when He does speak...it's pure radiance once light is shed upon it. I feel as if my words of gratitude to God would not even do justice to His lovingkindness in my life! I'm so thankful to know a merciful God who seeks us out and transforms us into His likeness, all while holding our hand along the way.

I understand now when He said I would find the time to give up as lost, and I will be obedient to His instruction.

Over and out.