No Title today...

I spent today alone. ...Well, I spent the day with Jesus, Shakespeare and Sandra Bullock I should say, but basically: alone.

All three inspired me greatly. God wants my mind, and my time (there will be changes for upcoming months...). Shakespeare toyed with my emotions, and allowed room for God to speak to me through his poetic heartbreak. And Sandra (or rather her character in Blindside) had me in constant tears for 2 hours and 8 minutes.

56th Sonnet
Return of love, more blessed may be the view
Or call it winter, which being full of care
Makes summer's welcome, thrice more wished, more rare

59th Sonnet
Show me your image in some antique book,
Since mind at first in character was done,
That I might see what the old world could say
To this composed wonder of your frame.



I feel inspired. ....Except not so inspired to make complete thoughts and type them, ha!

Over and out.

Perfectly Lonely...or not.

So, I popped onto Blogger to post about a certain subject, only to find out one of my good blogging friends had already posted about a very, very similar topic. It's not really that ironic, but more so comforting. We all go through similar things, and often it seems at similar times. I like this, we are but dust (Psa 103:14), and I'm glad we're all little dust mites together.

So...remember how not too long ago I was ALL excited about not caring about life plans for the FIRST time in my LIFE. Well, last night I felt this carefree/trusting God attitude slipping away from me. Now, don't get me wrong-it was not in a sudden 'in the blink of an eye' moment that this occurred; there have been a few events leading up to it. Assassins coming in (must know John Mayer's songs to understand this reference, which I do not care to explain currently), Christmas movies telling you its time to find the mistletoe, cold weather weather wishing you snuggle on the couch and for me personally: Cute little pre-school holiday shows with adorable families dressed in red and green. In fact, this is what got me last night. I was at my 3rd Holiday Show for Webby (dance company I work for), and I was watching the families interact. The mom's were so cute in their winter coats and their little girls with curled hair. The dads looked so proud as their sons screamed Christmas Carols from the stage at the top of their lungs.

And then, it all came rushing back to me...the thoughts of wanting a family, and wondering when the heck this was going to occur. Stressing about what year I'll get married and how this will fit into my current plans, and then how old I'll be when I begin to have children, yada yada yada yada. And look, I know this makes me seem like the candidate for the re-making of "How to Lose A Guy in 10 Days"-but this is how my mind works! ...Except it hasn't been like this for a couple of months, and now its trying to creep back in! I won't let it happen! I will pump myself full of anthems such as "Miss Independent" and "Single Ladies" (joking).

However, I did want to re-visit the verses that completely changed my view on my time of singleness. It's a GIFT of time to be care-free and have an undivided heart:
....oh this is long-let me go Biblegateway this bad boy:

1 Cor 7:32-35
I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord's affairs—how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.


Okay, so this is an AWESOME time of life I have, and I don't want my singlehood taken up with thoughts of marriage. I desire marriage, boy oh boy do I-but I'm single and I actually AM excited about...so let's live it out, eh? A single life serves no purpose if your heart is undivided in the way a married woman's heart is, yet I think this is very true for many, many singles. Our minds run to the idea of marriage, and the boy/girl it could be with, the plans we must make and the goals we wish to achieve with marriage in the forefront of our mind. It's not God's intention for this time (don't entangle yourself in what God hasn't asked us to-2 Tim 2:4). My eyes, heart, mind, soul and spirit will be FIXED on God-I want to make the most of this time, not just walk with my head down waiting for the days to pass.

For now, I'll keep the romance for the poets.


Over and out.

Love, as free as air, at at sight of human ties...

Remember my first post? ...About experiencing every heightened sense and the enthusiasm of being in love, without having your one set person you're saying "I love you" to? Well, currently I have an overwhelming desire to stand up in the coffee shop right now, and say (in my best Elf voice) "I'm in love! I'm in love! And I don't care who knows it". Of course I'll be throwing my city hat in the air while saying this to truly re-enact this scene in all of his brilliance, ;-).


....But I am overcome with joy and tickles in my heart right now. I'm not sure why exactly, but I know its a good thing (and it's from God).


I love being 22.
I now love poetry.
I particularly love Alexander Pope.
I love to pretend witty song lyrics were written in my defense.
I love sitting in coffee shops for hours and hours.
I love bars (don't start yelling at me).
I love girls nights.
I love Christ-centered talks with girls at bars (ha).
I love my bestie.
I love that my parents are actually pretty awesome people, whom I would chose to hang out with over others.
I love Wisconsin and the cold and the snow.
I love wearing fun clothes.
I love that the insight and wisdom into God and His word is unending, and I will never grow bored or tired of it.
I love having moments with one friend in a crowd of people.
I love laughing about secrets.
I love when I love life.


I want to go on some more about what I love...but there's NO point to this post, ha! I am just feeling happy and wanted to share :).


So young, and full of running.
All the way to the edge of desire.
Steady my breathing, silently screaming
I have to have you now...


Over and out.

Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind

Tears still are mine, and those I need not spare,
Love but demands what else were shed in pray'r;
No happier task these faded eyes pursue;
To read and weep is all they now can do.


I was going to type this blog a few days ago, and begin with "I've been feeling down. Not depressed or upset, but down...". However, I chose to wait to write out my thoughts, and I'm currently feeling quite content and chipper. I'll walk you through these events:


I've only told one other person this, so I'm not sure why I am now choosing to come out to the blog world with these details...but I'll go on. (Also, I find it interesting that I for some reason haven't wanted to mention this to anyone...and it even took me 10 or so days to tell my best friend whom I tell everything...)

1:30am on Dec. 1st I sat alone in the waiting room of the hospital as Arthur and Lindsay (with Ella in tummy) went into the birthing room. I sat down, and within 30 seconds my mind was filled with unpleasant memories and I began to cry. You see, the last time I was in a hospital room for a lengthy period of time, I was 16 years old, and my boyfriend-of-the-time was in the ICU in a coma. Suddenly my heart was overflowing with the emotions I felt so many years ago. My eyes panned the waiting room; I could see my highschool friends all sitting around, and I saw a vivid picture in my mind of a friend who sat with us, who has recently passed away. This brought me to remember more friends in the waiting room, and I recalled a 2nd friend in that waiting room who has since passed away as well. So, there I am: Sitting in the waiting room, wanting to be ecstatic about the soon-to-be birth of my niece, but instead I'm crying at the memory of 3 tragedies and overtaken by the emotions I had felt during each of their occurrences. As hard as I tried, I couldn't stop my thoughts, so I asked God to make me fall asleep in order to escape. I did for a few minutes and when I woke up I was more consumed with the thought of Ella than other things.

The excitement of Ella (my niece-incase you aren't up to date with my life, or my facebook, ha!) was more-than-enough to distract me for the next week. Also, my parents being in town helped keep me busy and entertained. However, once my parents left, and Ella no longer seemed like a new doll to play with, but a real girl who lives in my house-my reminiscences of the past began to rain on my happiness. Different things kept occurring to trigger unpleasant memories, and while I tried to sort through surfacing emotions, I also became quite agitated at my inability to move beyond events which occurred long ago. I've worked through, talked through, cried and tore my sackcloth (joking) with all of these episodes, so why am I plagued with depressing thoughts I've already come through? Why is it every so often I undergo weird flashbacks to difficult eras of life, and that they become so real to me I go back into depressed mindsets?


I jokingly made my facebook status (I'm so lame...) "Sarah has a spotted mind". The words together reminded me of Spotted Cow, the Wisconsin beer. However, these two hold no correlation, incase you were curious. Anyway, I was referring to the beloved phrased "eternal sunshine of a spotless mind". My mind is not spotless; it has spots, it has polka-dots even. And these polka-dots have made ridges in my heart and soul that my finger sometimes runs across, and falls into their deep carvings. I asked God how to handle these emotions, and received a few different answers which I am still unpacking and humbling (trying to humbly atleast) accept. The first idea which popped into my mind was a mental image of the ridges and dips in my heart/mind from the memories. I saw God's hand run across the uneven portions in gentle and soft strokes. Eventually, these bumps and raises leveled down due to the weight and touch of God's hand. The Enya song also popped into my head,
"Who can say if your love groves,
As your heart chose, only time?
And who can say where the road goes
Where the day flows, only time?

Who knows? Only time
Who knows? Only time"

I wish I was joking about Enya, ha-oh, but I'm not. HA! God also helped me recall verses such as:
Psalm 147:3 - He heals the broken hearted, and binds all of their wounds.
Psalm 34:18 - The Lord is near to the broken hearted, and saves those are who are crushed in spirit.

I know I can't allowed emotions to overwhelm me in unhealthy ways, and that the truth of situations must reign in mind more so than my thoughts and sadness concerning them. ...But I also was reminded by God (both in scripture and practically) that I have a problem sorting through deep emotions because I do not verbalize them. I'm quite the chatty Cathy, but as ...really only my family knows... even though I tell of things going on in my life, I often refuse to TRULY open up and TRULY tell the deep and weighty thoughts floating within myself.

God reminded me of what I used to declare would mark my life (and what I started too even write a book about, ha!). In 1 Samuel Hannah (Sam's mom) was mourning and crying about her closed womb. Her crying was so intense someone accused her of being drunk, and she said (paraphrased) "No, I am a woman who is deeply troubled, and I am pouring out my soul to the Lord." Hannah went on to have a son (miracle of God), and a son who impacted the Kingdom of God greatly! Her promises and goodness received from the Lord began with her openness before the Him. God also reminded me of what I've said I wish to mark my life NOW: humility. I'm not sure why, but I for some reason feel too prideful to show deep, deep sorrow, and can often stunt myself to healing wounds, or allow them to close up in ways not intended by God. I must humbly pour myself out.

My life is no different than any one elses, my unfortunate events and "sob stories" are not great in comparison to the situations in many others lives...but they have happened, and they have affected me. I must be humble, and I must pour myself out to God to move past reliving sorrow and into knowing the joy of the Lord.

I will not know the eternal sunshine of a spotless mind; memories are not erased, but their wounds are healed. ...And sometimes wounds are handled with such skill and care, they do not even leave a scar.


Over and out.

Back by popular demand...

**Editor's Note: (Bahhahahahah!)-So...I posted this, and then deleted it because I was worried to offend someone. I later read the text-conversation to my coffee club friends, and they demanded I post it...soooooooo-here ya go.**


So, Arthur told me my blog is going to be like the movie "You've Got Mail" (my fav chic flick, btw). He said someone will read my blog, and fall inlove with me-and we'll make a movie about it. Well, I'm about to ruin this theory with my awesome humor (joking).

Please take a look at the following text conversation between anonymous sources.

Wish I could write a blog about it/
I'd call it 'How to Confuse a girl into marrying you'/
Or 'we stole your rib, and its been all a game ever since then'/
'one bad relationship away from being the crazy cat lady'/
Oh shoot, I had a dream about cats last night/
or 'friendtionships, aka, guaranteed crazy'/
'where's my zac morris?'/
'where the heeeeeeeeeck is my zac morris'/
'i like my men like i like my sea saw, unbalanced'/
how ab 'crap, my man turned back into a pumpkin'/
'the man of my dreams bought me an alarm clark'/
'i've dated enough flakes in wisconsin to make a snowman'/
'the more southern gentlemen i date, the more i want to join the union'/
'don't cook me dinner unless theres a ring in my cupcake'/
'i'm going back to sleep, love sleeping beauty'/


Over and out.

A Spoon Fed Generation

"Here comes the train, open wide!!! Chug a chuga-chuga-chuga-chuga, chug a chuga-chuga-chuga". Do you remember this from when you were two-years-old? I do, and I'll never forget it either because my sister every so often likes to not only remind me of her creative ways to help feed me, but wants re-enact the scene as well. (Don't worry, she's having a kid in a week or so, so I feel the days of her asking me to suck my thumb and call her 'sissy' will soon be over with).

Unfortunately for my generation, I feel the spoon fed toddlers have now grown into the spoon fed 20somethings of America. We've been spoiled, given trophies for being on the absolute worst soccer team in the league, and taught curriculum based only upon hopes of passing our multiple choice standardized test. This environment can so easily breed pride, as well as the inability to process and reason through ideas and thoughts. We are given information we often learn to simply regurgitate back. We forget to take the steps of questioning, weighing and challenging what we're told whenever its presented in an intelligent and "shiny" way.

Sadly, the Church can so easily fall into this as well!

The first time I realized this true of myself, I was 18 (maybe 19? Close to it if not..) and sitting in Cadillac, Michigan. Scott Goodwill (a teacher within the stream of churches I belong to) was teaching us on the subject of Eschatology, which is the study of end times (in the Biblical sense). He taught all 4 views giving no opinion. Scott presented the history of the views and the Biblical backing each group provided for their stance. It was as he continued deeper into each of the four ways of thinking that I began to see what I'd always accepted as truth of how Jesus was coming back was found NO WHERE in scripture. The word its categorized by is not even a real word, and its made-up word is absent from the Bible. Also, the scriptures used to support its argument mean something completely different when the verse is read in its proper context.

As Scott continued to teach, anger was rising within me!!! Really, my heart was pounding and my body was getting hot, and I remember blurting out "I'VE BEEN LIED TO MY WHOLE LIFE!". I was suddenly outraged at every Bible Belt bumper sticker explaining to me why their car had no driver, only a set of clothes in the seat...I wanted to burn books and movies that scared me growing up...

I'd been lied to, I was a victim of false teaching.

However, God so quickly spoke to me in this time. I'd been presented with what some believe as truth. A topic was presented to me, it was questioned by no one around me, and it sounded good. It sounded like truth. Therefore, I accepted it. ..But where was my responsibility in taking on this mindset? I never thought to judge it according to the Word of God. I never researched in the Scriptures for myself; I never prayed asking for wisdom concerning the subject. I was told to believe, and so I did. I believed another man's belief. I opened wide to a spoonful of whack ideas, and ate them. I didn't think twice. I might of been "lied to" if I wish to be dramatic and rude about it, but I accepted it without question.

That week of classes radically changed my mindset in approaching future topics. No longer did I ever accept what anyone told me unless I spent time praying and researching in the Bible for myself to see if what was taught was Biblically sound. Even if an argument by someone I think to be amazing has scriptures up the wazoo, it is my responsibility to go look for myself to truly have my OWN God-given revelation.

This past weekend, the young adults of my church were gathered together to discuss a movement that is effecting the American way of church. As we continued to discuss their books, teaching, comments, exc-I wondered why our teacher (again, Scott Goodwill ironically enough) had made a point to have us set aside a Friday night to talk about such things. So, I asked, and he replied something to the effect of he wished for us to learn to not take all things we are told on board; to judge according to the Word (when I say "the Word"-I always mean the Bible, fyi!). I gratefully and humbly accepted the reminder.

However (I say this honestly and at the risk of much criticism...) I felt some might of walked away with only half of the idea. Let me explain: Scott Goodwill is one my favorite teachers, by far. I trust what he says, I trust his knowledge of Greek and Hebrew, and the incredible education he's received on numerous subjects. He's gifted by the Holy Spirit with awesome intelligence and wisdom into the mysteries of God-I trust him. I trust him, however, I did not feel we needed walk away from the night wishing to take Scott's ideas as our own, but Christ's ideas. In numerous talks I overheard or participated in after Friday night, I heard Scott referenced and hardly ever scripture or the person's own knowledge of the subject was given. It just didn't sit well with me. While we (and we should) trust and love what the leaders of our church say, it won't become our own revelation or our own mindset until it is TRULY known by us. I want my OWN revelation on truth in Scripture! It was Scott's role to teach me and equip me so I can now teach others. He did his job, I must do mine. He taught, I listened. It mustn't end there. I need to spend time before God asking to hear from Him! I need to learn the verses and find wisdom in them myself! ...And if my desire is for strong opinions like Scott concerning the movement in the American church myself, I need to read up and study these men. You won't sway any man saying "Well, my church leader told me ". (Just so you know, I'm not pointing anyone out, or assuming everyone is this way. Also, I'm not saying every person I've spoken with over the past couples of days struggles with this-only pointing out what I saw, and how I wish for myself and others to stray away from it).

I hope this doesn't come off as negative or accusing. I admittedly, can so easily fall into this as well. I just want inspire us to be KNOWERS of God's Word! Let us experience Knowledge thats changes the knower! ...Not mere listeners of good teaching. Our church leaders give us AWESOME teachings and truth, but God doesn't want it to stop there. We must always judge and weigh according to his Word, and then allow His Word to penetrate our hearts in new ways through our personal time of chewing and meditating on what we've now learned.

Our food has been placed on our plate. We must use our big-kid knifes and forks to cut it apart and feed ourselves. I want to live this, I want US to live this. I really do...

Over and out.

Word Vomit

I have so many random thoughts I need to let loose, however I don't have the ability to concentrate them all into intellectual posts at the moment (nor do most of these thoughts deserve a full posting).

So...here goes it:

1. I've been longing for the day that I've reach the complete comfort level with all of my friends here. It takes me quite some time to warm up to people (to the point where I feel at complete ease), and oh how I'm anxious for this day to come. It's tiring when I feel I can't completely let my guard down...

2. This just happened, but its too funny I have to share. A friend just called me to tell me they are the padiddle (spelling?!) champion, ha! ...They were overjoyed.

3. This will be a complete post later: I find immaturity breeds in groups of people (as opposed to one-on-one hang outs). I'm not calling anyone out, referring to myself mostly. ...But I am can almost state this as fact.

4. Sometimes I feel judged by people-it's got me thinking. A.) I wish to be confident enough in who God has designed me to be, and what I feel God has spoken to me specifically about, that I am not concerned with people's judgements. And B.) I wish to abandon all of my judgemental thoughts of others. We'll be judged as we judge others. Eeks.

5. I do want to write books.

6. So much is going on in my life. Sometimes I'm merely trying to keep my head above water, much less swim. Lindsay is having her baby soon, one of the cars is broken down (leaving one vehicle), its Christmas time (with this comes all Christmas festivities, numerous dance shows, exc). There's so much. God, I need special Christmas grace. Again, eeks.

7. I'm trying to talk less (funny I'm blogging in numerous words to tell you this, huh?). I want there to be wisdom in my words. With many words come much sin. This so often holds true, especially in large groups (coinciding with #3).

8. Christmas time is coming, and I love to buy presents. However, this year I am poor and quite sad about it. I know Christmas is about the celebration of the birth of Christ, but dang it-I actually really ENJOY lavishing gifts on my family and friends. Sigh-at least they'll be a baby this Christmas. I'm still sad about this though.

9. Most people just needs hugs. Human affection can really soften hearts. If society wasn't so dang creepy, I'd give more. 12 second ones.

10. I know you people read this. I often have conversations with people who bring up my blog posts, but no one comments. Funny how we can peep into other lives without even letting them know (I am a admitted-facebook stalker, I understand).



Over and out.

I do not care...

(Warning: This is poorly written, I was up at 5:30am this morning...)

Tonight a friend asked me how many children I wanted. It's a simple question really, and a question I've always had an answer for. I used to say five, but after working closely with a friend/co-worker who has 3 teenage sons, I decided I couldn't handle five. Therefore my number dropped to three, but on days when I'm feeling strong I'd say four. However tonight I casually said, "I'm not sure, I've learned not to plan anymore."

The statement took me by surprise (even though the words came out of my very own heart and mind). I thought about it, and I actually don't care about how many kids I have, or even attempting to decide how many I actually want. I suppose this seems normal to most, but if you know me-you know I am a planner. Not just a planner, maybe an OCD-planner. I can be laid back about some things in life, but when there's a chance to work out some details I'm going to do it. This holds especially true when it comes to my life. I plan EVERYTHING from my wedding to schooling for my children, to what my house will look like, and my 30th birthday party; this includes time lines, dates, names, exc. ...But tonight, I don't care. I don't care when I get married, I don't care how many kids I have. I don't care where I'm living or what I'm doing. I am shocked at my feeling this way, but I honestly hold no great attachment to any ideas of my future life!! In the past 5 years or so, heck-the past 2 decades, I have planned SO many different lives for myself, and not once has a single detail gone down as I thought it would. I've been forced time after time to come up with another "Plan A" after every attempt of accomplishing mine fails.

This is what I have learned: My wisdom is not supreme-God's is. My own plans are not the best-God's are. God's grace and mercy have (thank You LORD!) saved me from myself and my plans time after time. So finally, Lord-I say heartfelt and with teary eyes-"I give up". I waive my white flag. I have finally, after (almost) 23 years of life learned to trust you, and surrender my wishes. I know whatever you have is best. I make plans and I run hard after them, only to have You re-route them. I'm taking that step out. Of course I will be pro-active in life to assure I am able to be used or take the appropriate path for what-have-you when the time comes. ...But I hold all things loosely, and I look only to God-not my crazy plans or desires.

I don't care-this is so odd for me, yet so freeing. Ah, liberty, you taste so sweet.

Community, Identity, Stability.

My mind never really stops. I have to watch TV at night in order to fall asleep. I know many studies have shown this is horrible for your sleep due to its awakening of your senses, but let me tell you-the awakening of my mind presents a much greater danger to my sleep. I tell you this because I'm finding a blog is a special "helper" to the many thoughts and ideas my mind tosses about. I journal a great deal as well, but typing certainly helps get these ideas down faster than my pen in hand. Also, I can get all of my thoughts out without bothering another soul. If my post is obnoxious, offensive, redundant or what-have-you...I blame no one but yourself for reading it (kidding, sort of).

So, all this to say, thank you Lord for creating blogs so I can put on paper (figuratively, being as this is actually a computer screen) what goes on. It helps me sit down with God and go through my thoughts together. I like how He listens, but I like even more how He speaks.

In The Screwptape Letters, CS Lewis writes as Screwtape the demon. The book is compiled of letters written to Screwtape's nephew Wormwood, and full of instructions of how to fool, distract and lead astray Christians. Screwtape writes the following bit of advice when explaining God's intention in a Christian finding his identity,

"When He talks of their losing their selves, He means only
abandoning the clamour of self-will; once they have done
that, He really gives them back all their personality, and
boasts (I am afraid, sincerely) that when they are wholly
His they will be more themselves than ever. Hence, while
He is delighted to see them sacrificing even their
innocent will to His, He hates to see them drifting away
from their own nature for any other reason."


This was so pleasing to read in all aspects. God desires us to be just as Him. We are hidden in Christ (Col 3:3), and we live and are guided BY the Spirit of Christ (Gal 5:25). Every part of my being is therefore surrounded by Him. My personality becomes His, and I-being created in His image, represent a special part of who He is. I find myself in finding Him, I become more myself as I become more of Him. My only influence should be Christ, or Christ in someone else. When I allow other factors to affect who I am or my personality or character, I fail. I am then attempting to re-shape the mold of who God created me to be, and how He chose to show Himself through me. God is bigger than our mind can handle, and He chose to make each of us different from one another to portray the many facets of Himself. In order to help the body, and help show the world who He is, I must find my TRUE self-which is only done by knowing Him!

This being so incredibly important...of course it's going to be attacked. The fictional letters from Screwtape I'm certain bare much truth in what actually goes on. The paragraph I showed you is followed by instructions to cause us to be led astray from our personality, and to be influenced by all things excluding Christ.

God spoke His plan and the Enemy's plan so often to me while I read the book "Brave New World" by Aldous Huxley. The book is about a future world in which utopia has been produced by creating a faceless people drugged in order to never feel or think for themselves. In the first chapter you learn of the world state's motto, "Community, Identity, Stability". The basic idea (which is expanded upon greatly) is the principle of the people being stripped of their identity completely, and given social classes which destine them to certain work and life-long paths. The erasing of their true identity produces stability because nothing is questioned, and differences do not exist (or atleast are not seen). The people of this community became what they were conditioned to be.

Can we fall victim of this way of living as well? Can we be stripped away from our Christ-given personality when conditioned by the environment surrounding us? The news, tv shows and general public certainly don't influence you to be more like God and produce holiness. In fact, its often quiet the opposite. We are conditioned by our parents, by MTV (I joke about this often, but I honestly believe MTV just raised my generation), by our schools/teachers and by whatever else we choose to listen and be affected by. We may not be aware of it, but "does a fish know its wet"? Stripping us away of our individualism strips us of our God. God designed us for unity, but as different parts of the body. We aren't all the same eye or same hand...we're unique and separate organs/limbs/exc. In the book (BNW) they tell of the danger a man thinking for himself,

"The greater a man's talents, the greater his power to lead astray. It is better that one should suffer than that many should be corrupted. Consider the matter dispassionately, Mr. Foster, and you will see that no offense is so heinous as unorthodoxy of behavior. Murder kills only the individual-and, after all, what is an individual?"

Satan is named as the Prince of this world, and can't you only imagine him saying that very thing? Dumb man down, and take away his ability to produce thought on his own, and desensitize his ability to make note of Law written on his heart. Unity is powerful, true unity cannot be stopped(read Gen 11). Will we unify to the mindset of the world, or the unity found in Christ?

I want to represent Him as only I can.

Over and out.

Humble Confessions and Lessons I should of learned at age 14:

Tonight's entry won't be challenging your mind, an encouraging discussion or revealing any deep insight I feel I've gained.

I just feel reflective.
.....and I'd like to chat about it. However, I'm alone in my room, and too tired to journal or speak on the phone. So, here I am. It's pitch black in my room, only the light of the laptop is shining. Bon Iver (my favorite new song angel) is playing on my Itunes, and my phone is vibrating every few moments (having facebook connected to my phone is both a blessing and a curse). I'm ready to type, and this is for no one's benefit but my own. God and I often need to talk through things-so here goes it.


I have a pretty distinct personality which I feel is my own. I know who I am, but when it comes down to it-I also know I can be influenced by certain people. At the risk of making myself appear to be like the girls who cry at Jonas Brother Concerts: The only time I feel interests in my life can be swayed is if I'm dating (or close to that level of dating) a guy. Now, now-don't take this too far. I will forever and always be "Sarah" (don't call me Sarah, Plain and Tall. That was SO annoying in 4th grade. I never wish to be plain...). Anyway, I always kept my personality, but suddenly my interests and time can be consumed with random things I don't even care much for. Drums, sports, certain types of music, exc. Now, I don't always believe this to be a WRONG thing necessarily, I mean...when you are with someone its good to take interest in what they love, and be a part of specific parts of their life. So, there is a healthy balance to it. I think its a part of love, but I also think I started that phase too early, and I'm read to venture out alone.


I'm a free bird now, and I plan to be for the next 5 years (my mom gets annoyed everytime I say that. Don't worry Mom, I don't actually have 5 years marked on the calender. I just mean I am a-okay to take a break from things....). I was speaking with Meyer once about how excited I am to find out who I am, and what I actually like-without the influence of anyone else.

What music do I naturally put on repeat? What books do I enjoy reading? What's my favorite TV show? Of course, I love to take suggestions from friends! ...But in that I love the freedom of not feeling pressure to be similar to anyone but Christ! This sounds so elementary when I say it aloud, and I know these principles so well. ...And I don't feel I've conformed to one person, but I am aware of my changing interests somehow matching the people around me.

So, God and I are setting out on an adventure. I will find Him in order to find me. I like ghetto music, and folk music with boys and pretty voices. I like Gilmore Girls more than any show, ever. I like to think more than I like to laugh...and I REALLY enjoy laughing, so this probably means I think too much. I enjoy politics but it bothers me to get too caught up in, because God is the answer-not a politician or intelligent ways to go about running the government. I like to learn about schools of thoughts, and read of men who set out to inspire. My ideal day is sitting in a coffee shop in a city, looking out at the snow.

I have a post coming soon about knowing who we are in Christ....It's so true that the only way to know myself is to know Him. Mmmm...no witty conclusion. Reflective rant-done.

Over and out (I will keep saying this forever and always since Sarah Freelove told me it crosses the nerd line-HA! I will show you...)

Everyone's doing it...

I enjoy watching the TV Show "The View" when I get the chance. However, today I put the show on from Tuesday (watching it on Hulu) and was less than pleased. The women brought up the topic of a Planned Parenthood manager (or something of the sort) who quit her job once seeing an aborted fetus. The women of course began talking about the "hot topic" of abortion, with 3 women being for "choice" and one for life. One of the women (who is pro-choice) explained when she was 17, she went into a Planned Parenthood and the woman she spoke with was "rushing" and "pressuring" her into making the choice for an abortion. The View hosts then spoke about the influence of the Planned Parenthood employees to abort children due to its economical reasoning and the profit the company makes from it.

I decided to see for myself and went to the Planned Parenthood website. The first sentences on the abortion link read as follows:

"Abortion is a safe legal way for women to end pregnancy.
There are two kinds of abortion in the U.S. — in-clinic abortion and the abortion pill.
Abortions are very common. In fact, more than 1 out of 3 women in the U.S. have an abortion by the time they are 45 years old."


When presenting information people often attempt to sway you by providing lop-sided or smooth/attractive words. I understand, I can do the same thing if I want pizza for dinner, and wish to lure you into the same decision with the lust of a pepperoni slice and a coke. I get it.

...But I'm sorry. The whole deal behind people who politically and morally support "choice" come across as anything but on this page. Abortions are common, 1 in 3 have done it. It's safe, its legal. It is VERY COMMON. These words are not words of one attempting to present you with the unbiased opinion of life or "choice", but instead to sway you into the "uplifting" decision of aborting your unborn child. Present the facts, not words itching ears desire to hear. ...And don't claim to be for choice when its so clearly obvious with the way you present the very idea of abortion that you are more-so for the actual act of abortion than just presenting the option of it.

I am OH so tempted to begin listing all scripture for God's care of us in our mother's womb, our command to fight for the poor and fatherless, and the bunk history of Planned Parenthood. However, I should wait on that because I already stopped working into order to write this blog. I just needed to vent and get this out in order to focus for the rest of my day.

Over and out.

First comes love, then comes marriage...

My Halloween weekend was not spent telling ghost stories or speaking of witches' spells. Instead, for some odd reason, every social group I encountered spoke of dating and marriage. Even my telephone conversations (with both NC and WI people) were overcome with the desire to speak of these subjects. Why? ...Heck if I know, its interesting and we've reached the "society will smile upon you if you marry" age. So...I suppose it's on our mind.

I think of marriage often. It's not because I'm seeking male-attention I haven't received through out life or anything, because to be honest: I've had an amazing life with an incredible father who has set the bar quite high for a husband-to-be. I'm seeing this more and more as I grow older and wiser (thanks Daddy!!). (Now that isn't to say I feel I've conquered the downfalls, trials and woes of dating-I most certainly have not! I'm just explaining the heart of it all). For me personally, marriage often crosses my mind because I adore God's wisdom in giving the world a picture of His love in the relationship between a man and his wife. I love that we can have knowledge (that changes the knower) by either experiencing or looking-on at the intimacy and close bond between two separate people whose lives become one. We see the man lay down his life for his wife and family, just as Christ laid down His life in humility for the Bride (the universal church). Of course the Enemy attacks marriage more than anything else (in my own opinion, this isn't Biblical or statically based obviously) because this picture holds an incredible priority in what God wants to reveal to the lost and to His people. ...A faithful and unchanging love, led in humility and followed by adoration and submission. What amazing peace, harmony and joy is accomplished when all roles of fulfilled properly and in God's order. I pray often we as the Church grow in revelation of these things, and that God would give many eyes to see and ears to hear.

Anyway, I'm digressing-didn't mean to get on my marriage soap box. As I was saying, dating and marriage kept coming up. Someone mentioned they heard about my "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" facebook note (that's what I referred to in a previous post when I mentioned coffee dates). A quick re-cap: I stated in the FB note I had changed my opinion on dating, and felt we had more of a choice in the matter of who our spouse is than I had previously thought. Also, I feel we shouldn't jump into a relationship as quickly, but go on "coffee dates". A coffee date in my mind representing the process of true foundational friendship, and one-on-one time to clarify within ourselves the simplistic yet massively important ideals such as : Do we get along? Do we communicate well? Do I even actually liiiiiiiike you? I am in NO way downplaying the voice of God or the wisdom from our authority in these situations, merely stating I feel an important step in the dating process is often missed. I still stick to these ideas, but I'm open to the voice of God to bring change or expansion to my thinking. In fact, God spoke to me last week very clearly saying , "If you give me your thoughts, in return I'll give you My wisdom."

(Also, might I make a shameless plug for John Lalgee's paper on dating for WI people. ...But we've spoken of this, and I'll leave it at that because so far only two people follow my blog!)

In my hopes and faith of God giving me wisdom in this, I pray all parties involved grow in wisdom. There is no fool-proof way to go about the dating process, and even after I'm married and done with that season, my heart will still break for the confusion and misleading of so many involved in dating. I pray the church grows in submitted young adults (that's HUGE), discerning leaders, wise married couples, and revelation and CONVICTION of Christ and His Bride and our duty to represent this to the world.

Somehow these ideas fade in influence when our heart and emotions become involved. Oh Lord, give us more graaaaaaaaaaaace! ....Because let me tell you, as a 20 something among many 20-30 years old, frustration and confusion can sometimes rule the hearts and minds when these conversations come up.

Okay, I just need to let a bit out. I feel better after thinking-aloud to cyberspace. ...Maybe that crosses the nerd line?

Over and out.

Zzzzzzz....

About two houses down from my home, I saw a man peeing on the side of a house.

Hi, my name is Sarah and I live in the ghetto.


I have SO much I could say-my mind is racing, but I am much too tired right now to type. ...Until later!

It was worth it...

When you were a teenager, did you ever have those nights where you thought "Even if I get caught, this was so worth it!". I had that feeling tonight. Now, don't get me wrong....I wasn't doing anything where one might "catch me" in the act; all fun was God-glorifying and law-abiding, rest assured! It was just the "this is so worth it" part that fit so well. I was merely hanging with friends (bowling if you wanted the details) and enjoying deep conversation, but sometimes those deep conversations can be few and far between when it comes to the 20somethings of my generation. Thank God (seriously...) that I am surrounded by people with the depths of the heart of God, and the communication skills to express them!!!

Also, I love the excitement and thrill of getting to know new friends when you're comfortable enough that you can slip into an old-friend mentality.

Ecc. 4:9-10
Two are better than one, for they have a good return for their work.
If one falls down, the other can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him!

Let's Fall Inlove

So, I've followed Meyer as she follows Christ....and created a blog!

I'm not sure how long I'll be able to keep up with this, but I will try for now.

So, while my blog title may seem to be an invitation for a coffee date or something of the sort (don't get me started on coffee dates by the way, I started a whole facebook controversy over that idea!)...but rather the title was inspired by the jazz concert I attended last night. Often certain songs, movies, conversations and/or cozy days give me the feeling of being inlove. I felt this last night as I listened to romantic songs performed by a husband and wife. I walked away quite energetic and inspired. I adore the feeling of being inlove, even if its with no one in particular. Just...in love.

Today has been rainy, and to be honest I've been beyond pessimistic. A true Darlene Downer you could say, so I decided to remind myself daily with my blog of the overtaking joy coming from the gift of love. So, in the future, I'll post honestly and with many typo's I'm sure...but from it, I just want to be reminded of love :). Be it with the Lord, life, words or what have you. Let's take the good advice from my close friend Frank,

"Why go on stalling? I'm falling. Love is calling! Why be shy? Let's fall inlove!"